Friday, May 2, 2008

What Sarah Said

I've had the Deathcab For Cutie album "Plans" for quite a while, but I have only recently began to truly appreciate it. This is probably my favorite album of all time. Well, maybe not favorite, but it definitely makes the top ten. The album is packed full of great piano rock, crazy good lyrics, and a singer with a phenomenal voice. It's just real good.
I'm really bad about finding one or two songs that I like on an album and forgetting about the rest. Big mistake. So, in trying to change the habit, not too long ago on my three hour ride home, I popped in some deathcab. Now, my car is beginning to fall apart and the cd player has a mind of its own, so I probably had to take the cd out, give it some love, and then put it back in. But we got it to work. Anyway, I listened through Marching Bands of Manhattan, Soul Meets Body, and some other stuff, but then this chill piano song came on of which I knew not the lyrics. So, in the spirit of accomplishing my goal, I repressed my urge hit the next button. Luckily, the song was amazing. Good idea to listen to the song.
One line of the song stuck out--"Love is watching someone die". Now, this is the culmination of the whole song entitled What Sarah Said, because well, this quote is what Sarah said. The guy in the song in is the hospital watching his lover die. I'm not sure how many people have been a part of this in their life: in the hospital watching a loved one die, but well it sucks. That's a pretty obvious thing.
This line made my mind go crazy. Love is watching someone die. I started thinking about who would watch me die? Now, I'm not saying I want someone to come kill me today just to watch me meet my creator. However, there's a lot more to watching someone die than just watching them on their death bed.
My grandpa went in for routine gallbladder surgery only to find out he had terminal lung cancer which would take his life in less than two weeks. My grandma stayed right there, only leaving his side to get some occasional food and to take a bathroom break. For about a week, grandpa knew nothing of what was going on around him. He was very weak and in a fragile state of mind. Did my grandma leave? No. She showed some of the greatest love I can remember. Love is watching someone die.
My father was the epitome of bad health. He had suffered through 4 heart attacks, quadruple bypass surgery, chronic migraines, seizures, and enough daily medicines for an entire nursing home population. After all that crap, you'd think one would decide " right, don't smoke, exercise = longer life, treat myself like crap = death" Well....he chose the second option. Ok, idiotic I know. It's really hard to show love to someone who doesn't show love to themself. Why would you try and help someone who won't help themself? Well, because it's what we're supposed to do. In saying that, this is the reason for my belief in my mother being right up there with Mother Theresa....ok, at least she's the Mother Theresa in our family. Mom watched my dad die. She watched him take horrible care of himself, watched him go through depression, watched him sneak cigarettes. Many things happened of which no one could have blamed my mom for throwing up the deuces and heading out. Why would anyone want to stay in such a situation? My mom chose to stay and watch him die. My step dad had a heart of gold, but he had been dealt some pretty sucky cards. I remember getting so pissed at him for doing the things he did. Mom just watched him die.
My dad spent many holidays and weekends in the hospital. When mom was off from work, her thanksgiving dinner sometimes consisted of hospital food. Love is watching someone die. My father passed away on Jan 7, it's been about a year and a half. Mom is doing well. She's a tough lady and chooses to be on the bright side of the road...(thanks Van Morrison). However, for about 10 years of her marriage, she loved someone enough to watch them die.
I have to think that had Jesus been walking around my house, he probably would have told my dad several stories, hoping he would get the point and change his life. Maybe, he would have even healed my dad of all the crap wrong with his body. In either case, I don't think he would have ever stopped loving my dad, and I don't think he would have ever given up. Jesus has more love than we can ever imagine. Jesus, God, The Holy Spirit, however you wanna look at it, watches us "die" all the time. All the stupid, selfish, inconsiderate, ignorant things we do are ways in which we kill ourselves each and every day. Now, I'm not saying Jesus watches us go to eternal death. That's for another day and time. I am however saying Jesus sticks it out with us through all our junk. He might get confused, might wonder why we do this, but in the end, He loves us. He doesn't leave. He came for those who don't love themselves. The worst of the worst. Jesus watches us die.

Love is watching someone die.

Who do you watch die?

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